Tag Archives: cheating

ben and jerrys

Falling Off (and then Bazooka-ing) The Wagon on Vacation

We went on vacation. And I’m here today to tell you all about the fallout.

Because, folks, I fell off the wagon. I didn’t mean to fall off. I actually fully intended to stay on, with just perhaps an occasional cautious field trip off. Kind of like a cruise, where you mostly stay on the ship but dock once in a while to explore exotic locations, you know?

(Not that I know anything about cruises since I’ve never been on one and have a deep abiding fear of being stuck on a ship with that many germ-breathing strangers in close proximity, being forced into extroverted interactions against my will – not to mention the fact that you’re living over miles and miles and miles of deep, black, unknown depths of ocean with who-knows-what lurking just beneath you, just waiting for the ship to sink so that it can eat you up.)

But, anyway. The wagon. By the time vacation ended, not only had I fallen off the thing, but I had taken a sledgehammer to it and set it on fire. And then I hitched a ride on the Junk Food Express and left the smoldering pile of ash (that had once been the wagon) miles behind while I ate things like Mystery Jello Marshmallow Salad and Really Bad For You Cheesecake and (even) Not Real Meat Sausages. (I didn’t even LIKE those sausages, they weren’t even GOOD sausages, but I ate THREE of them for crying out loud!)

Yes. That’s how bad it got.

And, let me assure you…I’ve been paying for it ever since. All the old complaints (that used to be so normal I didn’t even know they WERE complaints) have returned. I’ve been home for two weeks and am only now starting to feel more like my old self.

So, let me be a cautionary tale. Let me take you on the progression of how my vacation morphed from a well-organized plan to stay on course into the utter catastrophe that it was.

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Power Outages and Stress-Induced Cravings

So, that post I wrote about how convinced I’ve become that eating sugar isn’t worth what it does to my body? Remember all that?

You can toss it out the window.

Because here’s the thing: addictions don’t care about rational thought or compelling reasons. They just want to be fed. And these past couple days my refined carb addiction has been raving.

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Life Lessons: EAT!!!

So, I didn’t follow my own advice.

You know, the one about eating all the time? About not letting yourself get hungry, ever? The one I repeat over and over again? That one.

I didn’t do it intentionally. I just sort of forgot. I woke up early for a Saturday, and ate at around 8:00, and then just…got busy. I was writing a recipe post, my son had a baseball game, I was getting ready for a visit from my mother.

And then it was 3:00 and I was headachy and dizzy and CRANKY.

I mean, really cranky. I was all stressed and emotional inside and kept snapping at the kids who still-hadn’t-cleaned-their-rooms-after-telling-them- for-15-times-to-get-it-done and WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO THINGS THE FIRST TIME NOW WE’LL BE LATE FOR BASEBALL HURRY UP!!! Yeah. It was ugly.

And then I had to go to the grocery store to pick up some things, and I saw the rolls.

ROLLS. White and soft and yeasty rolls.

And soda. Sweet, tasty, liquid sugar in a can.

And donuts. Oh, sweet Lord, DONUTS!!!

And every cell in my body called out for those things. I was hyper-aware of where they were in the store. And it seemed like they were everywhere. I totally felt my addict persona come out as it seemed like sugary carb-laden foods rose up in front of me everywhere, begging to be consumed.

I resisted, because I know from past experience what happens to me if I cheat. I’d feel happy while I ate it, but afterwards I’d be even worse off than before. So I got my cream and apples and safety pins and kitchen soap (yeah, I know, it was a random list of things….) and bought them and went home. When I got home, I ate some leftover curried butternut squash soup with chicken and fontina cheese, and then, suddenly….

I wasn’t headachy. Or tired. Or cranky. I felt like a whole new person.

I never before was so sensitive to missed meals. I might have gotten hungry, but I wouldn’t crash like I did on Saturday. I can only assume that not having sugar or as many grains in my diet means that I need to fuel up more regularly. There is probably a scientific, medical reason for this that I don’t know about. All I know is my experience. And it kind of sucked.

So, let my experience be your experience! Eating regularly keeps you from being a terror to your family. And it is the number one way of keeping intense cravings at bay. So, don’t do what I did. Eat!

Birthday Cheating

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 37, which means that I truly have to accept the fact that I’m on the 40 side of my 30s now, and should probably stop thinking that I just graduated from college “a few” years ago. (The older I get, the more flexible my definition of “a few” becomes.)

I don’t mind getting older, because life kind of gets easier the older I get. But I do miss the days when I just ate whatever I wanted and could get away with it. sigh.

So, yesterday, since it was my birthday, I decided to cheat. My husband asked me where I wanted to go for dinner for my birthday, and I didn’t know what to tell him. All the foods I used to love for gastronomical reasons are on my naughty list now, so it kind of sucks the joy out of eating out. I’ve been very scared to cheat, because I haven’t wanted to go back to the joint pain, and have also been very nervous about starting the whole sugar withdrawal thing over again, because that was TORTURE. 

He talked me into having a birthday cheat, though, so I chose Carrabas. For the bread, of course. We all went together, and then we dropped the kids off at kids’ clubs at church and went to the Olive Garden so that I could have a Chocolate Almond Amore. It was heavenly. Absolutely heavenly. But it meant that I had had the Big Three of anti-inflammation diet no-nos: refined flour, white sugar, and alcohol. I waited to see what the damage would be.

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